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Archive for February, 2013

It’s been nearly a year since I’ve blogged. I made the crazy decision to continue with a second master’s degree last spring to become a principal. By the summertime I was really wishing I hadn’t continued on, but once I committed I felt had to finish. Started a new teaching job at a local high school. It was my first time back in the classroom full time in nearly 6 years. Sure, I had “taught” at an online school for the past two years. But being in the classroom is a whole ‘nother ball game!

This past fall has been stressful and my body really took a toll. Between teaching new classes (one being an AP course), completing my principal internship, taking classes, trying to be present to help my twins with their homework. I would sneak out to my garage studio and do some painting, feeling guilty I wasn’t being “productive”. I felt like I was a step away from a break down. Then in December I did the unthinkable: I applied for the doctoral program. January came and I as I was taking my last class for this current degree it hit me. I’m tired. I can’t go on. Add in a few health problems poked up, my kids were struggling with school, and I was struggling to keep everything going, keep all the balls in the air.

And I realized something had to give. So I withdrew my doctorate application, let go of a few responsibilities I had volunteered for, started to say no more, and put more focus on my family.

It has been an adjustment. At times it’s very freeing. And other times, I have this nagging feeling that I should be doing more. Part of it is my own baggage of not feeling good enough or not ever being enough. And honestly, I finally had a big talk with myself in my art journal and told myself to get over it.

As of May I will have two master’s degrees, a certification to be a principal, a challenging job that I love, a healthy-happy family, and it’s enough. I am enough.

Three years ago I bought this book by Brene Brown. “I thought it was just me” A book about imperfection and inadequacy. I have only been able to read one chapter. Because it hit too close to home. I’m starting it again. Maybe I can learn to be a little more understanding of myself.

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